Archive for the ‘nagaichuvai’ Category

software engineer’s quotes

/**** QUOTE OF THE YEAR ****/

“Each night when I go to sleep I die, and next morning when I wake up I am reborn again”
– M K Gandhi

“Each night when I go to sleep I am reborn and next morning when I wake up I am dead again”
– Software Engineer

[Courtesy: my colleague Priya V]

Another version of the similar thought

early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise
— anonymous

early to office late to home makes a man wealthy wealthy and wealthy
— s/w engineer

[Courtesy: my colleague Sumanth Kadaba]

Yet another version to add up

Each night before I sleep i fix a bug, and next morning when I wake up the bug is reborn again! 🙂

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A Husband’s true feelings

A husband’s true feelings

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!

Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.” 🙂 😛

how many seconds in a year

Q: “How many seconds are there in a year?”

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A: “Twelve; January second, February second, March second, …”

Courtesy: my colleague Narayan for sharing this through an email 🙂

Performance and NOT the position

Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven’s Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nastily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi!

Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Now it is the priest’s turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.

Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

‘Just a minute,’ says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who’s spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?

‘Results my friend, results,’ shrugs Lord Dharamraj.

While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.

Moral of the story: Its PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Hope you enjoyed reading through and it is not intended to say about the term ‘Appraisal’ 😛

Made in India

There was a Japanese who came to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ‘Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, ‘Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!’ And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, ‘Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!’

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees.

The Japanese exclaimed, ‘What??… so expensive!’ There upon, the driver yelled back, ‘Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!’

Men always have better friends

Men always have better friends. They will stand by you, no matter what…

Friends of Women — A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend’s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them….

Friends of Men — A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them….

This is called FRIENDSHIP. 🙂

Kids too much

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.                                                               
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.       
                                                                            
 “Hello?”                                                                   
                                                                            
 “Is your daddy home?” he asked.                                            
                                                                            
 “Yes,” whispered the small voice.                                          
                                                                            
 “May I talk with him?”                                                     
                                                                            
 The child whispered, “No.”                                                 
                                                                            
 Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”                                                                                                                                          
 “Yes.”                                                                     
                                                                            
 “May I talk with her?”                                                     
                                                                            
 Again the small voice whispered, “No.”                                     
                                                                            
 Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,  “Is anybody else there?”                                           
                                                                            
 “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”                                 
                                                                            
 Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,  “May I speak with the policeman?”                                  
                                                                            
 “No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.                                      
                                                                            
 “Busy doing what?”                                                         
                                                                            
 “Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.   
                                                                            
 Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”           
                                                                            
 “A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.                            
                                                                            
 “What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
 Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”                                                                                                                                         
 Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”                                                                                                                                        
 Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:           
                                                                
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…                                                                           
 “ME.” 😛
Courtesy: Thanks to my colleague Sreejith Menon for sharing this through an email 🙂

Excellent Joke on HR Manager:)

I bet you can’t stop laughing.. It is a practical joke! 🙂

Proceed here….

Courtesy: Thanks to my friend Meera for sharing this through an email 🙂

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman

“Sorry, we have rules…”

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,”

The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her smiled and told…

Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee. 🙂

A Boss is always a boss

Just for a quick refreshment..

A Boss is a boss is a boss is a boss 🙂

Boss Is Always Boss

🙂

Sardar Jeeee Jokes..

Some good Sardar Jokes…

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you bastard”.
***********************************************

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”
***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but??
how much is DRIVING salary…?
***********************************************

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
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2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ” u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office….
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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ” tamil therima??”
Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”
***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….
***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating…….
***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the
exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF
FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….
***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state…..
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS…….

Hope you would have enjoyed 🙂